Some of you might know that I read Quora and occasionally answer questions there. It’s interesting and sometimes informative, ranging over all sorts of subjects. Yesterday, I was reading there, and this question was posed:
What would happen if the USA declared war on the UK today ?
Sounds like a silly question, doesn’t it? But still, we fought Great Britain twice, in the Revolution, and the War of 1812, and if saner heads hadn’t prevailed (on both sides) might have in the Civil War as well. And we had a plan for war with the UK at least as late as 1940. So who is to say it couldn’t happen again. Well, I really liked the answer given by “Aaron Maxwell, Member of the British armed forces, regular reader and researcher and the most viewed writer in the United Kingdom”.
The announcement of war, British and American military personal would start fighting with various weapons ranging from staplers to finger guns as they all work in the same offices and bases together. Maybe the occasional finger flip or dirty email maybe a brown treat from between the legs on some generals keyboards on both sides of the Atlantic.
Mass defections on both sides leading to Britain having Americas military and vice versa. Both refusing to fight Britain having not started it and British troops not wanting to invade there own country.
Both fleets would valiantly charge at each other nimitz classes on one side HMS ocean, queen elizabeth on the other. The airforces clash in a brutal display of WTF is going on, as all planes have strangely forgotten to be armed or dropped their bombs early. As the Frigates and Destroyers of the Royal Navy get close enough for gun range with the American fleet they sail past each other fire fighting hoses drenching each other’s upper deck weapons crews. Shortly followed by ‘negotiations’ as American sailors go to British ships and get drunk as British sailors go to American ships for the food and they rejoice at seeing some old friends and colleagues from wars and patrols past and present.
The British tabloids would go to war (spell checkers changed the word war to eat and I was so tempted to do that story instead), with brilliant puns like ‘who the hell has been drinking over there’ and ‘huge laughter battles break out all over the world as diplomats soil undies’.
The stock markets would still trade as everyone loves money and such a huge shift would destroy the worlds current economic system.
German and French (among hundreds of other diplomats) would get Britain and America to sit down with a stern looking at and a ‘seriously guys, you are taking the piss right?’
ICBM’s from both sides would fly into city centers and crash in park land with a pop up flag saying ‘lol’, ‘bang’ and the like.
This would be the likely action taken.
He also says his answer is a joke, which I assumed. But it says something, and something important, as well. We can imagine war against Russia, or China, or Turkey, or ISIS, or a lot of other people, but not against Britain. Sure we call them the cousins and no two (or five, if you include Canada, Australia, and New Zeeland) countries are closer, but both of our countries have experienced the horrors of civil war, so being related wouldn’t stop either of us.
But it’s literally inconceivable to almost all of us on either side of the pond. Sure, we make fun of each other in many ways, tease each other, and all that, but they’re family. And it’s a kinship sealed in both the horrors of war and friendship in peace.
President Kennedy said it as well as anyone, although he was speaking of Canada, “Geography has made us neighbors. History has made us friends. Economics has made us partners. And necessity has made us allies. Those whom nature hath so joined together, let no man put asunder.” I’ve always thought it at least as applicable to the UK. He also said this that day.
Nor can we mistake the nature of the struggle. It is not for concessions or territory. It is not simply between different systems. It is an age old battle for the survival of liberty itself. And our great advantage-and we must never forget it–is that the irresistible tide that began five hundred years before the birth of Christ in ancient Greece is for freedom, and against tyranny. And that is the wave of the future–and the iron hand of totalitarianism can ultimately neither seize it nor turn it back. In the words of Macaulay: “A single breaker may recede, but the tide is coming in.”
And that is equally true for the cousins, Churchill once said that he was content to see our peoples get more and more mixed up together, and they have. And since before the United States was the United States, we both have been working on that ancient bequest. It’s who we are.
Oh, that declaration of war, what do I think would happen? After Theresa May got done laughing she would call the President and say simply, “WTF, have you gone completely mad?” And so it would end.
Authored By nebraskaenergyobserver